matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
