how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're too hungover to prance.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
