You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
