Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
