God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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