i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
