Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
