well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
