I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
