some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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