I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
