i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
