Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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