she smelled like a LAN party
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
