who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
