we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
