I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize