I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Too much gin, very little bucket
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
