oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
