Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
