Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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