Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
