My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
