2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
