It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize