You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he fucked my hip out of place.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
