he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize