im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
