I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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