There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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