Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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