Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
