A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
