She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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