Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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