Got a toothbrush?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
