Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
