just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
