your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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