I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
