Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
