I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
