We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
