Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
