I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
