i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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