Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
