I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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