i just had sex bonerless
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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