Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im part way to drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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