Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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