I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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