I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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