I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
