There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
