we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
