id be glad to
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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