Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
