How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
