take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize