Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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