it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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