i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
