I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you still have your period?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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