So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
