Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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