I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
