Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish you could order shots online.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
