Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
