Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
