I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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