do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
