I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize