i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
