The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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