While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
