This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
