I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Less talking, more tequila
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
