Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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