Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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