The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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