take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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