my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
