Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
